Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The Waiting Game

Yes, yes, yes, Igor actually decided to pick up his pantaloons, dust off his v-neck sweater, jump into his VW Rabbit, and finally do the manly thing. He asked Laura out!!! I will pause for a moment here as you all asphyxiate from the shock. It was like watching the ugly kid in high school, the one that could never manage to get a date no matter how hard he tried, the one that would keep buying the popular girls lunch or other token gifts with the little money he had - just to win them over. Of course, the acts never spawned fruitful returns, but courage is the first step.

This is where we begin with Igor's current state of affairs. Laura, her excellency of darkness and workaholicism, Leader of the Democratic Socialist Republic of Sue, and nanotechnology engineer - decided to throw Igor into another state of purgatory. In case you haven't noticed by now, Laura wakes up in the morning for the fresh dewey scent of thermodynamics and is excited by doing the perfect calculus assignment one week ahead of anyone else. This makes Igor's scenario particularly difficult and maybe a little above his experience. To put it simply, Laura claims she's just too busy whenever Igor hazards an opportunity for the two of them to spend time outside of school. However, its not a transparent "no", its postponing for a later date - perhaps when her ovaries dry out or when Igor becomes cool, we simply don't know. Well, that was a little harsh, but we can suddenly see into Igor's conundrum a little bit better.

All of that said, the little whippersnapper hasn't quite given up yet. No, he's concocting a plan right now to win her over and perhaps get what he so desires. I recommend that you help Igor with his plans and shenanigans where ever possible because this could be the push that the young lad needs. Someone needs to show him that V-necks aren't cool and that even the most rigid of girls can be wooed into seduction with the right words and actions. As annoying as he is, the kid is trying his best. And that's more than can be said for the Alvins and Matts of the world who ridicule him everyday while never deviating from their Friday nights of chronic masturbation and homework. Even myself, a harsh critic of Igorism needs to step back and acknowledge when the kid may actually be close to becoming a human being.

With that, I open the floor for general discussion on this situation and any comments at all.

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